Diplomat at home

Its been ages since I wrote a post on the naughty little brat I have at home a.k.a my son, just a few months away from his fifth birthday now.

I quit my job last year and have been a full time SAHM (Stay at home mom) for some time now. I think I have now developed an intuition for those moments when his quests for worldly knowledge, his inquisitiveness and his creativity make him do things that would make me go "Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!! Oh My Gooooooooddddddd" with a lot of huffing-puffing anger directed towards our common creator in the heavens above.

Like when he opens the fridge and mixes the juice in the water bottles ; or tip toes to the bathroom, fills the basin and empties the hand soap in it in an attempt to bathe his plastic lion and tiger; or silently creeps to my dresser, takes my kohl and nail polishes out and does some art work on the wood.

My intuition is actually facilitated by those moments of absolute silence and quiet like a calm before the storm when he is really engrossed in some activity like the above. (He is oblivious to the big wide world around when concentrating, a trait supposed to have transferred from my genes.)

With my intuitive sensors sending out blaring alarms I would get up and go looking for him with a 'V , What are you doing?'

He would come dashing out, then slow down his pace and nonchalantly walk past me with his hands at his back, like going out on a stroll. Sporting the cutest of his smiles he would say 'Nothing!' with an air of reassurance. From past experiences I am perfectly aware that it's synonymous to 'Something is really wrong!'.

I would step forward to go to where he came from and he would put both hands on mine, stop me and say "Amma, dont go there. You stay here" and point to the sofa. That translates to 'Something is definitely really really REALLY wrong.'

I would pray to the Gods for the damages to be within my resilient boundaries and also for oodles of patience. Once I find out what he has done I would go on with my usual. 'I told you that you should not do this. Amma is really angry V' blah blah blah.

He would run off to his room and try to do something for a few minutes after which he would slowly approach me. He would sense that I am still upset and come near me and ask "Amma , are you happy?". My look would remain stern and then he would edge closer to my face and ask again "Amma, are you HAPPY?" with a lot of stress on the last word.

He would whip up an expression hosting the entire innocence existing on the planet and say  'I am sorry Amma. I can't do that.' After two seconds he would ask again 'Are you happy?'

Mind you , he knows the perfect tone to use; the right mix of childish innocence and sympathy.

Then he would hold the ends of his lips with his fingers, pull them upwards to imitate a happy smiley and say "Amma, be like this!"

As a final measure he would fling his arms around me, give me a peck on my cheek and say "I love you too Amma." . Now, after a high dose of a super effective drug like that, how could I not smile and ruffle his hair. "Dont do that again, ok?" and he would nod vigorously like its an oath for life. But both of us know that storms and the calm before that don't come only once.  "Are you happy?" he would ask again just to double check that peace has been restored!

I have a diplomat at home!